Get Even

We gotta admit that vengeance is so rampant in our communities, nation and our world today. It's a futile response to anger and humiliation and being considered as our only effective self-defense. Most strategies for revenge fail because they attempt to change the past. But we all know that we cannot change the past, that we cannot turn back time. Once the damage has been done, you can't undo the situation but you just have to make things right.

I look through this article entitled, “Reflections on the Desire for Revenge” by Sandra L. Bloom, M.D. Over the years, we have met people that are held hostage from grudges in their past and from a lack of forgiveness. Admit it or not, we usually discriminate people by their gender, religion, race, culture and age. We often discriminate people with their looks or physical appearances that lead to unjust treatment. We judge people without knowing who they really are and without hearing their side. And by that, we’re not aware that sometimes we hurt them unintentionally. They feel like they’re being insulted and humiliated. 

"The desire for revenge is an evolved outgrowth of our human sense of unsatisfied reciprocity, what today we consider a desire for justice."

What motivates people to seek for revenge is because of people who hurt them and wish to hurt them back. It's not that because human beings are evil but this is somewhat their survival mechanics when someone humiliates them or something. Reciprocity is primarily the starting point of social relationships, it's like you're returning the favor or appreciating one's good deeds and manifest this among our ancestors.

Not only physical or sexual assault, but also emotional abuse provokes retaliatory behavior unless a sufficient number of mitigating factors impact on the desire and action of seeking revenge. Whether in interpersonal relationships or the workplace, human beings retaliate for perceived injustice if they continue to be treated poorly, if there is no apology for misconduct, and if they feel morally justified in their outrage.

We can only understand people who act out violently towards themselves and the others by examining the roots of violence in their childhood. Children have the desire to get even when someone has done something bad to them. Through the interactions with the family members and friends, they learn the word fair play, to apologize and how to cooperate with other people. 

Usually bad treatments originates in childhood like some children are being treated badly by others. It's actually a unjust treatment. If children's are still attached with their pasts and have been expose from  trauma, abused and being neglected, they will fail to develop a normal biological and psychological mechanisms that prevents retaliatory behavior. The brain is a very delicate organ, and so any damage to the brain can also affect the normal development of inhibitory pathways in caretaker relationships. So, if the children come from a violent and abusive homes, they learn to be violent too. They learn that being violent is an effective means of solving a problems. 

The broad goal of revenge is to erase shame and humiliation, and restore pride. Once we forgive people who hurt us, it doesn't mean that we're a coward. It only means that we are brave enough to forgive them despite the wrong things they've done. Forgiveness is a decision to move forward. It's a decision that we make and a choice of the heart to continue our lives, and leave the hurt and pain behind. This calls us to let go of negative judgment and the desire for revenge and to replace them with thoughts of peace and reconciliation. We have to realize that we can do nothing about what has happened in the past instead, think of the experience as a lesson to be a better individual. The best revenge is to live well. Remember that you can't get ahead, if you're trying to get even.